Apocalyptic Odds
28 Days Later
Hollywood loves to make scary movies that sensationalize hypothetical disasters.
A theme park overrun by prehistoric predators. An asteroid speeding toward Earth with only days to impact. An unexpected nuclear launch ensuring global destruction.
Most of us know these films are pure entertainment — but there are always a few fans who take them a little too seriously and ask, “Yeah, but what if it really happened?”
Case in point: “Experts” at CanadaCasino recently “scientifically” determined the best and worst states to live in during a zombie apocalypse. To gauge each state’s preparedness for an undead invasion, they analyzed six key metrics — population density, percentage of water area, number of community hospitals, number of airports, number of hunting and fishing stores, and number of military bases. Spoiler alert: Hollywood didn’t fare too well.
Of all the world problems science could solve, our neighbors to the north used it to produce a Travel + Leisure–style report identifying the ideal location for an I Am Legend survivor colony. That’s as useful as a wellness seminar during layoffs.
As entertaining as the report is, the outcome is a bit of a no-brainer — the most populated states would be prime feeding grounds for the Walking Dead. And with New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut ranking among the top five worst places, the tri-state area might as well join forces and promote tourism to the region:
Welcome to Zombieland. If the traffic doesn’t kill you, the zombies will.
Corpocalypse Now
Today is November 2nd. That means we're headed into the most contagious season of the year — Layoff Season.
Sadly, several big corporations have already been infected by WFR-25, the workforce reduction virus that causes massive layoffs in Q4. Target recently showed symptoms when they cut 1,800 jobs, and now it seems a corpandemic is upon us:
Paramount -> 2,000
Lufthansa -> 4,000
Procter & Gamble -> 7,000
Novo Nordisk -> 9,000
Amazon -> 14,000
Microsoft -> 15,000
Nestle -> 16,000
Not to be outdone, UPS landed in the ICU after permanently sending 48,000 people home for the holidays. Where's the vaccine — and the compassion?
Unlike zombies, layoffs don’t chase you down in the streets. They haunt your inbox, your Slack messages, and the small talk before an all-hands meeting. That pink-slip panic is real! I know first hand. It's like a psychological zombie gnawing at your peace of mind. But while you can't control the uncertainty of layoffs, you can control how you respond to it.
When the layoff rumor mill gets going, try to replace the panic with preparation. Focus on what you can control — update your résumé, reach out to old colleagues, brush up on skills. It's less about planning for the worst, and more about building the confidence that comes from being proactive.
If irrational thoughts like, “They don’t need my role anymore.” or “That meeting without me was suspicious.” flood your mind, recognize that's just fear disguising itself as logic. Pause and label what’s really happening — fear forecasting. This little move might help you outwalk those mental monsters.
Above all, remember that while a company can take away your job, they can't take away your knowledge, skills, relationships, and resilience. True security doesn't come from being in your company’s org chart. It comes from your capacity to adapt.
So when fiduciary physicians diagnose your company with a WFR-25 infection, remember that surviving the annual corpocalypse isn’t about dodging the undead; it’s about staying alive inside your own head.
Because in the end, calm isn’t just a survival skill. It’s your competitive advantage.
