Mad About Mayo
Hot Sauce
Why is it busy restaurants often run out of popular items at the worst times? You're at your favorite grub hub in your favorite vacay spot ready to devour that savory meal you've been dreaming of for weeks — and they just ran out. Now what do you do? Well, some people light a fire — literally.
An unidentified cafe patron in Spain recently got so angry that they were out of mayonnaise, he almost incinerated the whole place. After receiving a pair of sandwiches sans mayo, and being told — not once, but twice — that they were out of his favorite condiment, the man left the cafe and returned with a bottle of gasoline. When his third request for the white sauce went unfulfilled, he angrily doused the counter with gas — then calmly lit it on fire.
Apparently no one ordered charbroiled countertop for lunch, so all of the other patrons safely darted outside to escape the flames, which the staff quickly snuffed out with an extinguisher. Oddly enough, Pyro was the only person who was injured, somehow burning his left hand as he fled the mini-Fyre festival.
I’ve heard of bringing the heat when you’re upset, but this Michelin-star meltdown over a mayo shortage caused $9,500 in damages. Bro, next time just ask for ketchup.
Head Butts
Not long ago a close friend asked for advice on mindful ways to handle conflicts in the workplace. I'm not a mindful expert — though I have played on on TV — but I offered to listen and provide an objective view of the situation.
As she recounted a tense interaction she recently had with a co-worker, I could feel her anxious energy washing over me as it saturated the air in the room. (I don't know how therapists do their job, but I digress.) Her hybrid work schedule has her in the office two, non-consecutive days per week, however, since her employer has implemented one of those open office policies, she doesn't have an assigned workspace, which usually isn't an issue.
However on this particular day, multiple attempts to acquire a workspace were met with "Oh, that one's not available because it's 'reserved' for someone else." Wait, what?!
Naturally, the repeated rejections, each of which were followed by the same seemingly illogical explanation, drove my friend into a frustrated frenzy, during which she threw a few heated verbal jabs at the Guardian of the (Workplace) Galaxy.
Eventually, after locating and settling into an "available" workspace, my friend calmed down and apologized to her co-worker for her behavior. And while that was a very mindful and mature gesture, the damage to her reputation had already been done. From now on, she may be seen as the sensitive, short-tempered co-worker no one wants to interact with because she's easily riled to anger over seemingly innocuous issues.
Conflict resolution can be a tough concept to master — especially in the workplace. When you're just trying to do your job and you encounter what you perceive as unnecessary opposition, unchecked frustration can elicit negative responses resulting in hindered progress, ruined reputations, and derailed career advancement.
So, I offered my friend a few suggestions to avoid future flare-ups.
Pause Before Responding — When emotions run high, take a breath before speaking. A three-second pause can help calm your nervous system and prevent reactive comments you might regret later.
Focus on the Issue, Not the Person — Mindfulness encourages separating behaviors from identity, especially if you have "history" with the person. Instead of “You always dismiss my ideas,” try “When my ideas aren’t acknowledged, I feel overlooked and frustrated.”
Listen to Understand, Not Win — Arguments are about winning. Conversations are about learning. When you approach the conversation with curiosity and use active listening, you're more likely to understand the other person's view — even if you disagree with it.
Anchor in the Present — Conflicts often stem from the past, e.g. “You always…” or “Last year you…” Keep the conversation centered on the current situation and what can change moving forward.
Know When to Step Back — A simple cooling-off period before revisiting the conversation might be the most mindful thing you can do. If that doesn't work, perhaps a mediator like HR — unless you work in HR — may be necessary to resolve the issue.
At the end of the day, conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it can define your reputation far more than the conflict itself. Practicing mindfulness in tense moments isn’t about ignoring frustration — it’s about choosing a response that preserves your credibility while protecting your peace. After all, calm heads not only prevail, they also keep you from being remembered as “the office hothead who fought over a desk.”
